While some people are perfectly happy with 'vanilla' sex – just the basics – many people are curious about kink from dressing up and bondage to anal play and beyond.
There's nothing wrong with kink and no one should judge you for your fantasies. However, start slowly when it comes to sharing your desires. If spanking sets you aflame, ask your lover for a slap on the bum during sex – it can often be easier in the heat of the moment – to test their reaction. Should bondage appeal, start by asking your lover to pin you down during sex. And if you like latex, show them an outfit online and ask what they think
Erotic stories can be a great way to communicate your desires in a subtle way
Erotic stories can be a great way to communicate your desires in a subtle way. Buy your lover a sexy book that includes the kink that turns you on, and ask them to show or read you the bits they like (if any) out loud.
Alternatively, if you're confident that your lover will be open minded, be direct. Ask if there's anything new they'd like to try and tell them what appeals to you. By listening to your lover's desires, being non-judgmental and considering making their dreams come true (assuming you don't find their kinks a turn off), you're more likely to get a positive response to your own penchants.
Before any form of BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism and masochism), however mild, set a safe word. This is a word you wouldn't usually use during sex (some people like to use 'no' and 'stop' during kinky play as part of a 'scene'). Many people opt for a traffic light system with red meaning stop, amber meaning slow down and green meaning 'go for it'.
Keep play safe, sane and consensual. This means reading up more on any safety guidelines (almost ever kink has safety info online), avoiding doing anything while either partner is under the influence of drink or drugs and only exploring things that you both want to.
If anal play gets you off, use lots of lube, go slowly and make sure you keep it safe. Both men and women can enjoy it, as long as there is mutual desire to do so. So don't feel bad about exploring different roles.
Kink can be a wonderful way to add spice to your relationship, building intimacy, acceptance and trust. Approach it in the right way and who knows where it might lead.