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如何與你的情人討論性
How to Communicate With Your Lover About Sex
如果你曾經讀過性意見的專欄,其中一篇建議你一定看過-「溝通」。不過,這確實不容易。大部份人都有他們心中的不安、包袱及死穴,其中「性」就是一個令苦惱的題目—畢竟,沒有人希望自己在床上表現差勁。
If you ever read sex advice columns or blogs, there's one piece of advice that you're sure to see – ‘communicate’. However, this is not always easy. Most people have their own insecurities, hang-ups and triggers, and sex is a particularly loaded topic. No one wants to think of themselves as bad in bed, after all.
在合理的控制下,性愛溝通是你與伴侶其中一個建立關係的好方法。這是一些很獨特的東西,只得你們兩人分享;同時,這亦是一個性感的秘密,一個促進美好的兩性關係的鎖匙。你可能會覺得尷尬,但如果你已經很了解一個人,可以與對方發生性關係,你亦是可以與對方談論有關性的話題了:真正與愛人分享你的身體﹐也需要分享你的想法。
Managed properly, sexual communication is one of the best ways to build a bond with your lover. It's something unique that only the two of you share. It's a sexy secret and a benefit of being in a loving relationship. While you may feel embarrassed, if you know someone well enough to have sex, you also know them well enough to talk about it: truly sharing your body with a lover also entails sharing your mind.
大部份人曾以為,性愛的溝通是一些負面的分享經驗:「我不喜歡你觸碰我胸部的方式」,又或「我今晚不想做愛。」可是,為了令性愛的溝通成為你倆關係自然的一部份,你可以將負面的說話調和一下,例如當你的情人成功挑起你的情慾時,給予讚美。如果你發現你會特別回憶起某個與對方特別熱情的時刻,也深情地告訴你的伴侶吧!每次你在床上嘗試了新的東西,詢問你的愛侶的感覺,對方究竟享不享受,以及分享你的感覺。經過定時讚美你的愛人,你會發現,當你嘗試挑逗對方,或改正他們缺乏快感的探索,對方會少了防禦性。
All too often, sexual communication is about sharing negative experiences: “I don't like the way you touch my breasts,” or “I don't want to have sex tonight.” However, by making sexual communication a natural part of your relationship, you can balance this negativity with compliments, Tell your lover when they arouse you. If you find yourself reminiscing about a particularly hot time together, fondly tell your lover. After you try something new in the bedroom, ask your lover if it was enjoyable, and share your own feelings about the experience. By genuinely praising your lover's prowess on a regular basis, you'll help them feel less defensive when you try to hone or correct their less pleasurable explorations.
你亦可以將性愛的溝通成為有趣前戲的一部份。輪流當「學者」與「學生」,又或者向你的愛人實際示範你究竟喜歡對方撫摸你那裡及如何撫摸。就讓你的愛人練習一下,指導對方的步伐;當他們以你喜愛的方式,成功令你得到快感,獎勵你的愛人與你交換角色,和關注他們給予你的指導。在你的人生中,你不可能做不到一周一次的指導堂。事實上,每一晚都適合上課。
You can also turn sexual communication into a fun foreplay game. Take it in turns to play 'scholar' and 'learner' and give your lover a practical demonstration of where and how you like to be touched. Let your lover practice, steering their way, and once they've pleasured you in the way that you most enjoy, reward your lover by swapping roles and paying attention to their lesson. There's no reason you can't make a sexy lesson a weekly part of your life – or indeed, every night if you're suitably inspired.
不要以為所有溝通都包括了交談。你可以為對方寫一個你在性愛時最愛做的內容的情色小說(如果你是第一次分享幻想,就不要太瘋狂,看看你的伴侶的反應再作決定)你亦可以發一個性感的文字訊息給你的伴侶,刻意問一些俏皮的問題。你亦可以用舊方法,偷偷地把情信放進伴侶的袋內,又或者一起進行網絡性愛。即使你倆人都住在同一間屋,製造一些距離可以令你們更容易打開自己:誰又會知道,當你與伴侶有足夠的溝通,你的性幻想會不會成真呢?
Don't think all communication has to involve talking either. You could write your lover an erotic story detailing exactly what you'd like to do (don't go too wild if it's the first time you're sharing fantasies – gauge your lover's reaction first). You could send your partner a sexy text, asking a saucy question to garner a response. You could slip an old-fashioned love letter into your partner's pocket or try cybersex together. Even if you're simply in two rooms of the same house, the distance created can help make it easier to open up: and who knows, you could make your fantasies realities if you communicate effectively enough.
記住,性愛的溝通是雙方面的。當你指導別人、分享你的愛好時,你亦需要聆聽你伴侶,因為對方亦會分享他們的愛好。誠實地了解你所需要的及慾望,那你就可以得到你想要的性愛及一段你所希望的關係。
Remember, sexual communication goes both ways. You need to listen to your partner as much as you teach, and share your own preferences as openly as you expect your partner to share theirs. Be honest about your needs and desires and you're much more likely to get the sex, and relationship that you really want.
“You can also turn sexual communication into a fun foreplay game.”